KUSA — It has been more than two months since 9NEWS.com has written an ode to the Cheyenne Police Department’s Facebook page (this is two months longer than Buzzfeed has gone without writing about a Chrissy Teigen clapback, FWIW).
But during a “beat check” of their Facebook page last night over a glass of boxed pinot noir, this intrepid journalist realized once again a truth she always knew to be self-evident: the Cheyenne Police Department remains the funniest thing on Facebook.
So, once again, here is a look at what our neighbors up north have been doing to “win the internet” (people still say that, right?).
PREVIOUS CHEYENNE PD COVERAGE:
A bike race with a thief (cute streamers and bells not included)
The Cheyenne Police Department knows the power of using Facebook to catch wanted suspects … and they’re willing to do it by challenging a burglar to a race on their sweet new green Trek (streamers and bell not provided).
Some of the choice lines in this Facebook post? “Jerseys are mandatory, but if you don’t have one, we have some friends who have a few extra orange jerseys that might fit you” as well as “you can also pre-register by messaging us with a photo of your current ID card.”
Can’t see this Facebook post? Click here.
Speaking of bikes …
The Cheyenne Police Department’s bike unit got some sweet new bikes … “we’ve still got shocks, but no pegs … Lucky!”
Look for officers taking them off “some sweet jumps.”
Can’t see these sweet new rides? Click here.
This isn’t funny per-say, but here’s a cute police dog enjoying a birthday cake
But like seriously …
Can’t see pics from a cute dogs eighth birthday party? Click here.
Proof you shouldn’t read this post on 9NEWS.com while driving (but seriously don't)
“The damage to the cell phone matched the curvature of the sheering wheel.”
This, ladies and gentleman, is what poetry looks like.
Can’t see concrete proof you shouldn’t read this 9NEWS.com story and drive? Click here.
Tips from Cheyenne PD on making a robot do your chores
Police departments write about scams on Facebook all the time. It’s a great public service. The Cheyenne Police Department took this a step further by teaching people binary and giving tips for handling robots.
Can’t see these vital tips for handling scam calls? Click here.
How phone upgrades actually work
The Cheyenne Police Department has a point: You SHOULD upgrade your phone by calling your provider, not by stealing someone else’s.
Also, the pun game at the end here is :fire emoji: (Editor’s note: I am aware the fire emoji is not showing up here, but you get the point).
Can’t see the “Hamburglar who took the Apple (phone) from McDonald’s?” Click here.
And here’s another person who stole a phone. This one is also punny.
Can’t see this phone thief? Click here.
“Shocks, pegs, lucky”
It sounds like the Cheyenne Police Department Facebook page really wants to do three-foot jumps off this sweet bike.
Can’t see the post? Click here.
If your neighbor has a fat dog, call the police
This guy also stole a security camera, according to Cheyenne Police. Dude …
Can’t see this thief who got caught on camera stealing a security camera, click here.
Guess those pixels!!!!
Hey, at least they acknowledge some surveillance photos look like they were taken with a Razr.
Can’t see the shoe thief? Click here.
Cheyenne PD on how you should spend your money
Favorite line: “Buy another turtle.”
Can’t see these important financial tips? Click here.
Helping a man who hates the dark confront his fears
Police say he stole a headlamp, for context.
Can’t see Cheyenne’s notorious headlamp thief? Click here.
And finally, a line better than anything written by Shakespeare (IMHO)
There must be a lot of pressure for the Cheyenne Police Department to be funny, given that this is the third time there has been a 9NEWS.com post about them (sorry not sorry).
But even when they can’t think of a joke … they still write something absolutely brilliant, given that law enforcement is their job.
Can’t see a police investigation at work? Click here!
And that, ladies and gentleman, concludes “An Ode to the Cheyenne Police Department Facebook page: Part III.”
Thank you for coming along on this journey.
